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Return From Rehab & a Really Inappropriate Swimsuit – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup

Return From Rehab & a Really Inappropriate Swimsuit – The Ashley's Reality Roundup
“Well ding-dang-it!”

It’s time to examine again in with our favourite not-so-teenage mothers! This week, our 5 heroines can be making extra dangerous life selections, and, fortunately MTV was there to doc all of them!

Now that Bristol and Cheyenne have been correctly initiated into the Teen Mother OG sorority, having pledged to share their child daddy drama, dangerous hairdos and basic terrible selections so the American public may have one thing to level and snicker at, let’s get began.

We kick this episode of with Catelynn who has packed up her zebra-print hoodie and Butch‘s cut-off rat tail (which I assume she carries around with her because…who wouldn’t?!) and is HIGH! HIGH~-tailing it again to Michigan. She hasn’t accomplished remedy (this time), however she misses Tyler and that blond child that lives together with her so she’s determined she might as properly go house early.

(Hey, when MTV is footing your thousands-of-dollars invoice for remedy, you’re not that involved with getting your cash’s value, apparently.)

For the event, Cate has bought a few new packs of raspberry Kool-Help and dumped them on her head (as you do), in try to seem edgy for her homecoming.

“Once again, I’m bringing home all my baggage to Tyler!”

She’s greeted by Producer Kerthy on the airport (to not point out a whole digital camera crew, wanting to catch that fresh-from-treatment glow emanating from underneath Catelynn’s fuchsia-colored mop). Catelynn tells us that Tyler and Nova do not know that she left remedy early, so she’s excited to shock them.

As Cate and Producer Kerthy are barreling towards the Baltierra residence, Cate explains that she’s been instructed to see a trauma therapist 3 times a week to deal with her PTSD, nervousness and melancholy. Producer Kerthy seems sort of jealous. After engaged on this crap-heap-of-a-show (and being subjected to home Farrah-ism for years), she and the remainder of the ‘Teen Mom’ producers ought to all be given trauma remedy as a part of their advantages package deal from MTV.

“My ‘therapy’ is drinking store-brand vodka and asking a Magic 8 ball questions about my life…”

Cate says that her PTSD is from both her Hefty-bag-of-a-childhood, or putting Carly for adoption. There are such a lot of crappy elements of Catelynn’s life that even she’s unsure what’s traumatized her probably the most.

Catelynn walks via the door, and Tyler and Nova are shocked. Nova is thrilled to see Catelynn and Tyler is…placing his appearing chops to make use of by pretending to be thrilled to see Catelynn.

“You’re home early from rehab? So that’s…um… great.”

Over in Indiana, Amber is in mattress (naturally), watching Child James solo for the primary time, since Andrew has gone to California. With Andrew out of the home, Cousin Krystle scurries proper over.

Amber complains about Leah not wanting to return go to her, and Cousin Krystle explains that it’s simply a regular factor youngsters do. Amber says that she’s been actually depressed recently, and even went to the hospital for it however was informed she doesn’t have postpartum melancholy. It’s simply common ol’ bipolar.

“Maybe I need one of those movie-watching and nature-walk-taking trips too…”

Amber says she visited her psychiatrist just lately, who gave her some anti-anxiety and anti-depression medicine. Amber can’t consider that she’s nonetheless depressed, regardless of how nicely her life goes. She’s given Matt (and his backpack of lies) the heave-ho, had a do-over oopsie child and is making tons of of hundreds of dollars for sitting on her sofa. But, she’s nonetheless depressed.

We head over to Texas subsequent, to examine in with Farrah Bristol. She’s nonetheless sporting these rattling overalls, and is now saying that her relationship together with her husband Dakota is “at a breaking point.” She tells Producer Kristen that she has to do these dramatic talks with producers as a result of she doesn’t know anybody in Texas. (As we all know, virtually all of Bristol’s household is in Alaska, shootin’ giant animals and on the lookout for Russia out their home windows.)

“You betcha!”

Bristol says that her entire day will depend on the type of temper Dakota is in, and she or he’s uninterested in it!

“I live my life on complete eggshells,” she says. “I think everyone in this house does, even the kids.”

Bristol says that she’s about to stay a fork in her marriage to Dakota.

In the meantime, Producer Kerthy (who is admittedly making the rounds this week), is speaking to Dakota. He says he is aware of their marriage is principally over. Dakota says Bristol isn’t there for him when he wants her, and that he has to “go to other people’s houses” to get the help that he wants

Um…is that like the identical means Matt would go to “other people’s houses” to get the “support” he wanted behind Amber’s again?

“After I got bangs, the marriage went downhill…”

Producer Kerthy, sensing that Dakota’s phrases might come again to harm him later, means that he means “his friends.” Dakota agrees.

Dakota says that “quittin’ and throwin’ the towel out” (um?) is towards his beliefs and the GOSH DERN BIBLE BOOK…however he can’t keep married to Palin or he’s going to go “Farrah” on somebody sometime quickly.

Subsequent, we jaunt over to Los Angeles to examine in with Cheyenne. She’s chatting together with her bizarrely named sister, R Kyle Lynn ABC123 and her boyfriend Zach about how lengthy it took docs to sew up her woman taco after birthin’ Cory‘s lovechild.

“For my next baby, I’m getting an epidural!” Cheyenne says.

Zach manages to dam out the vagina-sewing convo as a result of he’s nonetheless caught on the truth that Cheyenne was speaking about her “next baby.”

Simply don’t let whoever named your sister identify this child…

Chey informs him that, when Ryder turns two, she’s getting knocked up once more, no matter what boy she’s with on the time (apparently).

“I want another baby. It isn’t a straight demand, but it’s just what’s going to happen,” she tells Zach, who appears to be debating whether or not or to not flip and run for the hills proper then and there. (To reply your query, Zach, sure, you must.)

“We probably talk about having more kids more than we talk about getting married,” Cheyenne says.

Nicely…you’re definitely on the suitable present, woman!

Cheyenne then tells R Kelly Lincoln  that she and Zach have the “next baby” dialog each time they “do it.”

I feel that’s good…

The subsequent day, Cheyenne nasally tells us that Cory helps her run some errands. (Maybe she’s lastly going to go see an Ear Nostril & Throat physician about her fixed stuffed-up nostril?)

When the one approach you may be on digital camera is to comply with drive your child mama round…

Cory tells Cheyenne that he plans to ask her father for some “co-parenting” recommendation. The complete fam is gathering for a barbecue the subsequent day, in order that would be the good time for them to have a clumsy on-camera dialog. Cheyenne says that’s nice and all, however warns Cory that he higher maintain his lure shut about her dwelling with Zach, as a result of her dad doesn’t know but.

Cory is aware of that Cheyenne’s dad gained’t be completely satisfied to listen to that his little woman is banging her live-in lover, and he’s “afraid” he’ll “slip up” and by accident inform him.

Um…positive, Jan. Everyone knows the one approach Cheyenne’s storyline will probably be remotely fascinating is that if Cheyenne’s dad grabs Zach by the neck and beats him, Amber-style, for shacking up together with his little princess.

Lastly, we head right down to Tennessee to see what Maci has been as much as. Now that she’s court-protected from Ryan, she’s feeling higher, however continues to be nervous that Bentley is allowed to go see Ryan, so long as he’s with Jen and Larry.

The subsequent day, Jen is coming to select up Bentley for a go to. Maci is aware of it’s going to be awkward with Jen at their home. However…why? Simply because Jen’s son threatens to mass-murder your loved ones (allegedly) and whatnot, that doesn’t imply you’ll be able to’t get together with Jen, proper?

Maci can also be stressed as a result of her son Maverick is wanting an excessive amount of like her daughter Jayde today. Her mother and father need the child to get a haircut, however Maci doesn’t need to chop his luscious locks. Maci tells Taylor that she hates to see Maverick’s man bun go.

Awww…look how cute little Jayde and/or Maverick is…

Over in Michigan, Tyler is pouting that Nova is now paying extra consideration to Catelynn than him. He tries to remind Nova that he was the one feeding her Hamburger Helper and washing her garments whereas her mother was off petting horses and catching up on her “Twilight” movie-viewing, however Nova is unfazed.

The subsequent day, Catelynn realizes Tyler is a bit gloomy, and she or he suspects it’s as a result of he was left to run the home, the household and the farm whereas Cate was away…once more. Cate needs to talk to Tyler about his bitter angle. (In any case, she didn’t get this new pink ‘do to be round a Gloomy Gus!)

Tyler heads off to his (nature-walk-less) remedy session, the place his therapist suggests bringing Catelynn in to do some periods collectively.

“Geez, can’t I have anything— even a damn therapy session– that’s just mine?!”

Tyler tells his therapist that Catelynn doesn’t actually see the necessity for couples’ counseling as a result of she looks like they don’t have any issues. That’s information to Tyler, although, who says that the final two years or so (which is principally their whole marriage) have been a dumpster hearth for him.

I feel that’s good…

The therapist seems to be misplaced. (However…a minimum of she doesn’t appear to be Matt Baier in a dangerous wig like Tyler’s final therapist did!) She gives Tyler a few copies of some kind of “Save Our Marriage” worksheet she’s created to maintain this marriage intact…at the very least till the subsequent season’s ‘Teen Mom’ contracts are signed.

The therapist then enlightens Ty that she’s a ‘Teen Mom’ viewer herself! From tuning in, the therapist has discovered that Tyler principally takes care of everyone. Ty says that he and Catelynn by no means watch the present collectively, which the therapist says is unlucky.

“Soooo…. are you gonna tell me some behind-the-scenes Farrah gossip or are ya gonna make me beg?!”

She may be making an attempt to get him to observe so he realizes how boring their scenes have develop into. Maybe she needs him to start out street ragin’ and gun pullin’ (a la Jenelle) to get the scores up?

The therapist means that Ty make Cate watch the final season of ‘OG’ again to point out her how crappy life has been for him whereas she’s been away. The therapist is frightened that if Cate doesn’t, Tyler may have a full-on breakdown, and might want to go watch films at remedy himself, leaving nobody to feed the household goats….oh, and Nova.

AND WHAT OF THEIR CHILDREN’S CLOTHING EMPIRE?!?!? (I suppose Butch and April might take over the “reigns” of Tierra Reign. All the onesies would odor like Virginia Slims and dangerous selections, however, hey, somebody’s gotta run the enterprise!)

Again in Indiana, Andrew is residence from his journey, so Amber’s cookin’ up a massive pot of spaghetti and becoming her fancy furry flip flops for the event. Andrew is sporting his “cats in space” T-shirt (as you do).

“Feast your eyes on this hotness, ladies!”

Earlier than consuming, they stare on the supersized portrait of Leah within the eating room, and Amber talks about what a “butthole” her daughter is.

I feel that’s good…

“She needs to be here,” Andrew says angrily. “It’s ridiculous!”

Um…sluggish your position there, Cat Boy. You actually got here onto the scene like 10 minutes in the past. You haven’t any concept why Leah doesn’t need to go to her mom, and didn’t see how Amber was a self-absorbed, um, butthole for the primary eight years of her daughter’s life so…


“I just have to be motivated to do things,” Amber tells him. “That helps a lot when you’re, like…depressed.”

In the meantime, Gary learns that Amber tried to get Leah to return go to her however Leah turned her down.

“I didn’t tell her not to come to your house. Please don’t hurt me, Amber!”

Leah, in all probability sensing that her mother needs her to return over so she will “learn how a Diaper Genie works,” advised her she will’t as a result of she’s “busy today.” (She’s out on the trampoline together with her sister, for the report.)

Gary makes it clear that Leah not wanting to go to Amber has nothing to do with him. He says that Leah’s on the age the place she will get to make her personal selections.

Pricey God…she has her mom’s stare!

In the meantime, in Texas, Bristol is standing sadly in her kitchen (in her overalls), as Dakota enters the home. They kick the youngsters out of the room, so we all know some critical “talkin’ words” are about to be exchanged.

Bristol says that being married to Dakota has made her extra lonely than when she was alone. She admits that she’s been sort of a dick, and Dakota admits that his PTSD is inflicting a lot of their issues. It’s a bizarre dialog, as a result of Producer Kerthy is sitting on the ground subsequent to them, they usually maintain switching from speaking to her and speaking to one another.

“I’m going to have to work really hard if my ugly cry face is ever going to compete with Farrah’s…sigh…”

“We’re quittin’ on our marriage,” Dakota says.

They apologize to one another for speaking crap on one another, and each admit they nonetheless love one another. They do, nevertheless, determine will probably be higher in the event that they get a divorce.

Over in LA, it’s time for a ragin’ pool get together at Cheyenne’s household’s home. It’s POPPIN’! Individuals are legit doing choreographed dances poolside and stuff. It’s like being in an early 2000s teen film. All we’d like is for Jennifer Love Hewitt to seem in a scene as a dangerous Offspring music performs within the background.

However…how does everybody know the dance!?

Within the midst of the festivities, Cory tracks down Cheyenne’s father and stepfather to speak about co-parenting. They’ve managed to be civil to one another, and Cory admires that, as he hopes to have a relationship with Cheyenne’s boyfriend Zach that doesn’t have to incorporate the LAPD.  Chey sees Cory speaking to her two dads and immediately will get nervous that he’s discussing all her co-habitatin’ and fornicatin’.

Cory tells the blokes that he by no means had a father as a result of he was “doing eight years” (in “The Prison,” we will assume). The dads inform Cory they’re pleased with him for stepping up and being a father to Ryder. They inform him to not be intimidated by Zach.

“Zach lives with Cheyenne, so I don’t want him seeing Ryder more than me,” Cory says.

OOPSIE DO! There goes the key, Cory!

The dads appear shocked by the information, however don’t say something…but.

“I mean…lots of girls shack up with dudes months after having another guy’s baby! It’s fine!”

Within the yard, later, issues are nonetheless “going off” (as the youngsters say). Women are twerkin’, individuals are dancing on piles of bricks, and Cheyenne’s dad goes for a dip within the pool. He’s floating round, more than likely plotting as to how he’s going to homicide Zach and conceal the proof. Cheyenne confronts Cory to ask what his dialog with the dads was about.

Cory tells Cheyenne he was simply getting co-parenting ideas however… “oh, by the way, your dads know that Zach lives with you now.”

And THIS is why you must have by no means let Cory anyplace close to your woman backyard, Cheyenne…

Yeah, Cory, that simply slipped out. Hate when that occurs…

Cheyenne is pissed, particularly as a result of Cory appears to be having fun with that he was the one who advised her secret. She is aware of the moments of Zach’s life are numbered if she doesn’t go clean issues over together with her father.

“I’m gonna need my strength if I’m gonna kill me a fornicating boyfriend tonight!”

She stomps off, and locates her dad and stepmom. She’s determined to attempt the “I already told you that, didn’t I?” method.


“It has not been a secret, dad!” Cheyenne says.

“It has not been revealed!” he fires again.

Cheyenne then tries the basic “if I would have asked, you would have said no” line. (What’s she, 12?!)

Cheyenne’s dad reminds her that he didn’t freak out when she got here to him lower than a yr in the past, knocked up, unaware of who the daddy was, and principally prepped and able to go for a Jerry Springer Present episode.

The stepmom tells Cheyenne that her father loves her unconditionally. Cheyenne’s dad snaps again, making it clear that he solely loves Cheyenne “with conditions.”

I feel that’s good…

Cheyenne’s stepmom chooses that second to bust out what she’s been studying from these Rosetta Stone CDs.

“That’s no bueno,” she tells her husband.

That poor digital camera man’s completely considering “Don’t look at her butt… don’t look at her butt…”

“I’M LITERALLY OVER IT!” Cheyenne yells, turning to go away.

Sorry, Cheyenne, however the right “storm out” phrase on this present is “I’M DONE!” You’ll study. Oh, and, good bathing go well with.

We head again to Michigan, the place Ty is dashing residence, keen to start out on the “Save the Marriage” worksheet. Cate is upset that Tyler needs to work on their marriage, Tyler is upset that Cate is clueless about their issues, and Nova is upset and screaming as a result of Tyler gained’t let her climb on the furnishings.

Enjoyable occasions on the Baltierra farm!

“Problems? We have no problems, everything’s great…”

Tyler suggests Catelynn watch the final season of ‘Teen Mom.’

“I don’t like watching that stuff,” Catelynn says bluntly.

Um…that makes two of us, woman!

Catelynn doesn’t need to watch as a result of she says it’ll make her really feel unhappy when she sees how onerous her rehabbing was on Tyler.

“Do you think I’m blind to it all?” she asks him. “Do you think that I was just so into myself that I didn’t care what was happening?”

Tyler doesn’t say something, however his face is screaming “HELL YES!”

“You’re right…there’s nothing wrong with our marriage…see how happy we are?”

Lastly, we had again to Tennessee. Jen is available in to select up Bentley and it’s awkward…like “Cheyenne wears a thong bathing suit in front of her dads” awkward.

Maci tells Taylor to inform Jen to attend till they end Bentley’s homework, which suggests Jen is simply lurking round, speaking to the infants (or maybe making an attempt to determine which one is which). Lastly, she simply goes out the door, since Maci and Taylor usually are not even wanting her means or saying something to her.

“Now I know how y’all keep your beers so cold. It’s icy as hell in here!”

Bentley lastly goes out to satisfy Jen, and Maci stands there, seemingly pleased with herself for the best way they iced out Jen.

As soon as Jen and the cloud of awkwardness are gone, Taylor’s trusty barber, CT, makes a home name to cut off Maverick’s man bun…whereas he’s sitting in a director’s chair…within the entrance yard. Maverick’s hair is efficiently minimize, and Maci takes the sheared locks and places them in a Ziploc bag.

“I’m going to sleep with this in my pillow tonight!” she says.

I’m positive that’s what everybody did with Butch’s cut-off rat tail for the primary yr or so…

Later, Maci can also be sporting a new ‘do (some sort of unicorn braid sort of updo…which is never actually explained). Taylor brings up how awkward it was when Jen was at their house, and says that it’s dumb that issues are so strained between them.

Um…is it promenade night time at Gus’ Guzzle & Grind bar or…?

“We’re all in a crappy situation, and not because of any of our own doings,” he declares.

Maci virtually appears mad that it was so awkward with Jen.

UM…you have been the one who froze her out and didn’t say something to her when she was in your house. Poor Maverick was the one individual in that home who was good to the woman!

That’s all for this week’s episode!

To learn The Ashley’s recap of the earlier ‘Teen Mom OG’ episode, click on right here!

(Photographs: MTV)

Amber Portwood, Andrew Glennon, Bristol Palin, Catelynn Lowell, Cheyenne Floyd, Cory Wharton, Dakota Meyer, Gary Shirley, Jen Edwards, Maci Bookout, Recaps, Taylor McKinney, Teen Mother, Teen Mother OG, Teen Mother OG Season 7B, Teen Mother Producers, Teen Mother Recaps, Tyler Baltierra